People think of ego as superiority, but it can also manifest as perfectionism. I used to have such a hard time if anybody argued with me or pointed out my wrongs.
-Lisa Crozier
Welcome to The Uplifters Podcast. Today, you’ll meet Lisa Crozier, who is introduced by Marci Walker, her “Late In Life Best Friend” (a term I learned from my new friends over at Red Bird House).
You know that old game where you introduce yourself by using a descriptor that starts with the first letter of your name? There’s no question what Lisa’s descriptor would be. She is Love.
As you look at Lisa you’ll see a woman with hair sculpted in blond waves, a beauty queen’s smile, always dressed to the nines. A woman who spends her days lovingly caring for her husband, children, grandchildren, recovery sponsees, church community, and clients. It’s easy to imagine that she’s perfect. But, letting go of “perfect” is exactly how Lisa went from an inferiority complex to true self-love, from hiding to healing, and found self-acceptance.
Like so many of us, it’s the challenges she’s faced: an abusive childhood, mental and physical health issues, and alcoholism that have taught her the most, but it’s love that gives her purpose.
In this conversation, you’ll hear what Lisa has learned in her journey to becoming someone she really likes:
How sometimes we can get so low that picking ourselves up by the bootstraps is no longer an option
How hitting rock bottom broke her open and allowed her to finally ask for and receive support
How generational traumas can help us and hinder us (and sometimes do both at the same time)
How ego is the biggest block to love and intimacy with ourselves and others
How ego is sometimes a mask for an inferiority complex and what to do about it
How Lisa takes care of herself while taking care of so many other people
I can’t stop thinking about this episode. I hope you enjoy it and share it with the women in your life who do so much for so many others.
Let’s keep rising higher, together.
Aransas
MESSY TRANSCRIPT
Lisa Crozier (02:08.002)
That introduction just melted my heart, both yours and Marci's. I am so grateful for the two of you. I am better because of both of you. Absolutely, and I had been for a long time. And I'm so grateful for the circumstances that brought us all together.
Aransas Savas (02:28.462)
I love that you begin there because I do believe, as you know, that we are the sum total of the people we spend the most time with. And that's a big reason that this Uplifter community was born, because I believe that we are all better when we are together. And that by surrounding ourselves with courageous, open-hearted people, we become more courageous and open-hearted.
Aransas Savas (02:57.982)
And I've seen that so powerfully embodied in your life. And I'm just really honored to introduce you to the rest of my community who don't yet know you. There's so many things about your story that I hope we'll get to in this conversation. But I'm curious for you what experiences or moments do you believe have been most defining for your character and way of being?
Lisa Crozier (04:28.994)
So, you know what's really, what I have found for my life, the things that have defined me and that have made me the most who I am were also the things that were the hardest, the most difficult. They weren't the aha moments, the accolades, the applause, the successes. They were the really hard things that I made it through. You know, like one thing that I've shared with you before is that
Lisa Crozier (04:58.774)
I had kind of a rough childhood. My mom had borderline personality disorder. And I had some good times, I really did. But I had some really bad times too. She was abusive physically and emotionally and mentally. And I was embarrassed of my childhood. I was embarrassed of where I came from. There were a lot of things. It was loud. There was lots of cursing and screaming and yelling.
Lisa Crozier (05:30.95)
I don't know that there was a day of my childhood that I can remember, at least not of my teen years where I wasn't called every name you can possibly come up with. So there's that. And today, I realized at some point in my life that I've really spent my whole life becoming the opposite of that. And then the way that you and I met was through, I had put on a bunch of weight.
Lisa Crozier (05:56.978)
And I remember sobbing. I remember sitting, actually it was in my pastor's office, I was working at a church at the time. I remember sitting in my pastor's office sobbing, saying, I don't know what's wrong, I just keep gaping away. And it felt like the end of the world. You know, it absolutely felt like the end of the world. And it brought me to you and a whole bunch of other people and into a purpose and a direction in life and this.
Lisa Crozier (06:23.438)
place this platform where I got to love thousands and thousands of people, which who'd have thunk, you know, that, but if I hadn't gone through that, I'd never be there, you know? And then, and I know we're going to be getting into this one. Years later, I went into a deep depression, some things happened, and I became an alcoholic. I used alcohol to cope with my depression. And today I've been sober for a little while. And that, you know,
Lisa Crozier (06:51.118)
going through that experience and becoming involved in recovery and finding purpose there and personal healing and spiritual growth like I never could have possibly imagined. I mean those three things probably are the things that have more than anything else made me who I am. I mean coupled that with family and children and grandchildren and you know an incredible mother-in-law.
Lisa Crozier (07:21.034)
love and friends and...but I would say that the friends and the relationships are way better because of all that. Not like in spite of it, but because of it. Because I've changed so much and I've learned who I am, you know, through the course of that. And I've become a better person. I've become someone I like more than I used to. And that's important.
Aransas Savas (07:46.77)
I think it's so important for us to share our challenges and our struggles so that we can all learn from them. I've often thought about how if my daughter had tried to learn piano simply by hitting keys and seeing what sound each key made, she might have eventually...
Aransas Savas (08:13.946)
learned to make something that sounded pretty. But because she sat down with a piano teacher who had studied piano with another piano teacher, she was able to accelerate her understanding much faster and to go much deeper and to create much more complex melodies as a result of the generational understanding. And your life started with some
Lisa Crozier (08:33.09)
Yeah.
Aransas Savas (08:42.47)
generational lessons that were pretty painful to learn. And yet one of the things that I have witnessed in your story and I heard in your retelling of it is a willingness to learn beyond the wisdom of some of your early teachers, your mother namely, who was doing the best she could, no doubt, with what she had, but then to a...
Aransas Savas (09:09.958)
to bring in other teachers, your friends, your preacher, your community in healing in so many ways, your mother-in-law, and to allow those teachers to enrich your own understanding and deepen your experience of life.
Lisa Crozier (09:31.818)
And I think that part of the reason that happens and why it happened for me in such, in those difficult moments is because in order to be taught by somebody and in order to even be willing to listen to them, I have to be able to acknowledge my own need. You know, if I think I know it all and I've got it all taken care of and everything's just fine, I'm probably not gonna be very open to learn and grow and listen and change. But in those moments of brokenness,
Lisa Crozier (10:02.406)
I was ready. In those moments of brokenness, I was open. And I remember, especially with the alcohol, getting to just that point of, I have no idea what to do. I am totally at a loss. Nothing I have done has worked. Nothing. And I didn't know where else to go. And that's a jumping off place. That's a really great jumping off place of surrender and openness. And yeah, starting to listen and learn from.
Lisa Crozier (10:31.326)
so many people and it's so easy for me for that ego to pop back up again you know because part of what i did the part of the way i coped with everything um... especially as a child i was always smart i was always somebody who could learn i retain knowledge i could learn things i had i had a lot of faith in my ability to do that and so i kind of you know i work hard i've always been a hard worker i could pick myself up by my bootstraps and make myself better
Lisa Crozier (11:01.75)
But in the end, I can do that to a point. And then I also had to realize, I need some help. I'm a human being, and I have needs. And those moments of desperation brought me to that place. It made me open and just took it to a whole new level. Everything, all of that hard stuff, just took it to a whole new level. I think that part of the reason it could go to the level is because of the willingness to try, the willingness to work hard.
Lisa Crozier (11:31.01)
You know, that was all a part of it too. That all works together. But I had to have a willingness. You know, as long as I think everything's fine and I'm doing just fine, I'm not gonna try anything. I'm not gonna try to get better. I'm not gonna listen.
Aransas Savas (11:44.722)
Right. So you talk about ego a lot and your work and your storytelling. And I think you're starting here to help us see what the intersection is between ego and growth, where they are in conflict where they challenge one another. So tell me a little bit more about your perspective on the role of ego in your life and your journey.
Lisa Crozier (11:52.856)
Yes.
Lisa Crozier (12:11.726)
So for me and for a lot of people that I've seen, ego can manifest in each direction. So most people think of ego as being thinking you're better than, a superiority. And that can show up in different areas of life, in thinking you're always right, which there was a time that I did. I used to have such a hard time if anybody argued with me or anybody pointed out my wrongs. It can manifest as perfectionism.
Lisa Crozier (12:40.062)
and thinking that I just have to be perfect, I'm okay with other people's imperfections, but not mine, I should be better than that. You know, and that was totally an ego thing. But for me and for a lot of us, that side of the ego is really a reflection of the other side, which is an inferiority complex. You know, which was the whole reason I grew up with this really, really strong inferiority complex.
Lisa Crozier (13:06.934)
because of where I came from. I was ashamed of where I came from for a million different reasons. And so I tried to hide it. I tried to only tell people the good things and I tried to be all things to all people. I tried to be a people pleaser. I tried to make everything look the way it's supposed to look and only let them see the parts that I think that they'll like. And that was all because of that, that actually blocked me.
Lisa Crozier (13:36.162)
from all the things I wanted the most. And I didn't know it was what I was trying for. Really at the core of it all for me, because I am, like Marcy had said, I love people. I love people so much. And I've always been this way. I've always had just this, I'm an extrovert. I want to be with people. And I want very much to also be loved. I want it to work both ways. But because of all this inferiority stuff.
Lisa Crozier (14:05.038)
I didn't let people in. I only let them see what I thought that they would like because I wanted them to like me back. But that blocked me from being real. There's a thing in the Brene Brown book, I love Brene Brown, absolutely love Brene Brown, where she talks about the difference between fitting in and belonging. And she says that fitting in is, you like me because I'm like you. And that's what I was always going for. That's what I was trying for because I didn't know that there was another option, honestly.
Lisa Crozier (14:34.102)
But belonging is you like me because I'm like me. But I wasn't even acknowledging all of the parts of me because I had so much shame about a lot of it. I had to at some point get to that place where I was willing to face the truth and to be the person that I wanna be and also let other people see. And the thing that I've really learned about relationships with people and...
Lisa Crozier (15:00.37)
and making a difference in the world and uplifting like what we're talking about is people aren't really uplifted by this image of perfection. All that is this unrealistic thing that they feel diminished by. People are uplifted by seeing the real and working hard and trying to do the best we can and building happiness and acceptance but they're uplifted by learning the real and I had to learn that with myself too.
Lisa Crozier (15:29.174)
And that was hard, it was really hard.
Aransas Savas (15:32.018)
Well, yeah, because it's like, let me take this nice, shiny, protective bubble I have built around myself so that I don't have to get rejected and risk breaking it down and who knows what happening.
Lisa Crozier (15:49.834)
Yeah. And I would have never done it on my own. I had to be forced into it really, which was through my recovery. You know, I got to that point where, you know, that song, um, that Disney song, let it go. There's a, there's a couple of lines in there. One of them, it says that perfect girl is gone. And then there's another one that says, well, now they know. And that's how I felt, you know, in my, in my last drunk, um, somebody had found me.
Lisa Crozier (16:18.81)
And I was going to kill myself. And that person, I kind of came to as they were calling my husband saying, you've got to come home, she's going to kill herself. I had to go to the doctor. I had to put it on my record, my medical record that I have a dependency to alcohol. And I just felt like I'd been hiding for so long. And this is the very worst thing I could possibly have in my mind that they could find out. And well, now they know.
Lisa Crozier (16:48.286)
And I have nothing left to hide. And honestly, one of the things I love that I've learned in recovery is they call that, you know, your rock bottom, whatever it is. And everybody's is different. You know, everybody's rock bottom in all areas too. It's different. But rock bottom is a really solid foundation to move up from. And it's not fun. It's not a fun place to be at all. But it's really solid.
Lisa Crozier (17:17.038)
and I was able to build a whole new life on that rock bottom. And it's a really, really good life. It's better than it was before. In fact, it's better than I could have ever imagined. And not because of big accomplishments, but because of the me inside that's changed in so many ways and healed in so many ways. I didn't know I needed to heal. I didn't even know I was hurting as bad as I was until
Lisa Crozier (17:45.918)
I got to the other side and I thought, wow, who knew? Who knew it could be this much better? I didn't know that was even on the plate. I didn't know it was on the table.
Aransas Savas (17:56.974)
Wow. What did that process look like for you?
Aransas Savas (18:05.574)
or does it look like for you? Because I suspect it's not a start stop beginning end.
Lisa Crozier (18:10.722)
No, no, it's an ongoing thing. It looked like a lot of community. It looked like a lot of meetings, a lot of being honest, and listening to other people being honest. I have a big part of my life is I have a very, very strong faith base. Now, that's something that's super, super important to me. And there's an old quote in my faith tradition about walking in the light.
Lisa Crozier (18:39.722)
and the value of walking in the light. And that's what I do in this community. I'm able to, I've learned to let people in, let them see all the things, all the feelings, and not just I used to, there was a time when I would, I would be fine with telling people about something I'd gone through. Once I was on the other side of it and had this story of overcoming and I was the hero of the story, then I was okay with sharing it. But when I was in the middle,
Lisa Crozier (19:07.942)
and maybe I wasn't making the best choices and I wasn't feeling feelings that I thought were socially acceptable, you know, like maybe I'm in the middle of a pity party. You know, I ended up in a group of people that were willing to share that stuff in the middle of it. And so in that community, I've been able to face stuff and face the reality that this is just being human. This is what being a real person looks like. Humility.
Lisa Crozier (19:35.85)
is a word that we throw around a lot. It's something that we talk about all the time, which I don't know if it's the opposite of ego, but it's kind of in a lot of ways. And humility is just that belief that I am no better than, I'm no worse than. I am one of. You know, you talked in the middle about humanizing our experiences. Things don't happen to me because the world is out to get me.
Lisa Crozier (20:01.742)
things don't happen because everybody hates me or because everybody reveres me. It's just life, you know? And that puts everything in perspective. Another way to define humility is just being right-sized. You know? Yep, I've got things about me that are really good and, yep, I've got things about me that are not good at all. And you know what? That's, I'm human. I can mess up. I remember seeing a quote one time and I love this because I struggle, I struggle, I still struggle with like when I make a mistake.
Lisa Crozier (20:32.558)
I hate making a mistake. I always feel so bad. And I remember seeing a meme on Facebook that said that a mistake that keeps me humble is better than an accomplishment that makes me arrogant. And it's powerful, right? And it sounds all well and good and like, yeah. And so you're in the moment and you make the mistake and you're like, oh, I hate that I did this and I have to remember, but that's good.
Lisa Crozier (21:02.194)
because I don't need to go to that other side. That other side of ego is precarious and dangerous, and it's not a happy place to be. It's like balancing on the head of a pin. Any little thing can knock you off.
Aransas Savas (21:21.51)
It sounds like the opposite of rock bottom, that place where you're, there's nowhere else to go, so gravity's got you in place.
Lisa Crozier (21:32.189)
And maybe often times it's the place right before rock bottom. Pride comes before a fall. That makes sense.
Aransas Savas (21:43.646)
How has your healing impacted the ways you give and receive love, Lisa?
Lisa Crozier (21:53.098)
Oh, completely, absolutely completely. Because again, I wasn't able to ever really be real. So a lot of my love, I would describe today as philanthropy. Because it was one side. I was great at giving. I was great at giving the love, at doing the things for other people. But not so great at receiving.
Lisa Crozier (22:23.846)
and today it's relationship. Relationship goes way. Philanthropy goes one way. But relationship goes both ways. And I am able, because I do let people in, I'm able today to have real relationships. I'm able to recognize that, you know what, I've made mistakes in my life and I can face those. And because of that, I know other people are going to too. I don't expect anybody to be perfect.
Lisa Crozier (22:52.07)
I don't expect anybody to never let me down even. You know, they're going to because they are. And I'm going to let them down too. I'm going to try not to, but I will because, you know, it's just part of being human. And that impacts everything. I'm able to accept people. I'm able to hear people and love them where they are and believe that they really are doing the best they can in this situation.
Lisa Crozier (23:22.014)
And I truly believe that too.
Lisa Crozier (23:27.33)
That's important. You know, everybody's coming from their perspective with where they've been, and it's not my job to change anybody. It's just my personal belief is my put on this earth just to love them wherever they are. And as long as I've healed inside, this is something that I've learned, a lot of my responses in the past to other people that were not so positive were because it was scratching.
Lisa Crozier (23:55.954)
a wound inside of me that had not healed. But once that wound has healed, it doesn't hurt so bad. You know, if I have an open cut on my arm and I touch it, it hurts a lot. But the scar doesn't hurt as much because it's healed inside. And as I've healed inside that stuff that other people do, I'm able to see their behaviors as their behaviors and not ne cessarily a reflection on me.
it's easier for me now to be able to say, no, their behavior is on them. They're acting that way because there's something inside them that hurts. You know, a very good friend of mine says all the time, hurt people hurt people. You know, and not hurt people, don't hurt people as much. I mean, it works always.
Lisa Crozier (25:53.482)
but that helps me to not internalize it and not think it's getting over the ego, right? It's not always all about me. Even if they want me to think it is, even if they think it is, it might not be.
Aransas Savas (26:08.462)
It might not be.
things either awfulize or minimize up in my head. I'll go one or the other, things that maybe I should be thinking more about, push under the carpet and pretend didn't happen. And like, they don't matter. Or I'll go the other way and I'll just.
Lisa Crozier (27:51.034)
awfulize everything. Oh, it's the end of the world. This happened. This is going on, whatever. But when I'm with people, it helps to give me a perspective that right sizes all that stuff. It just right sizes. Yep, it's going on. Not the end of the world. Other people have gone through it too. There are ways through this. I can get to the other side.
Aransas Savas (28:12.934)
Yeah, and I think it lets us know ourselves and it lets us be known when we acknowledge and admit these things. For me, one of my, and I talk a lot about scripts, and you've been so generous in sharing some of the ways that you speak to yourself and what it sounds like and looks like to do this work. And I think that is so important, because otherwise we have a lot of trouble recognizing our own scripts.
Aransas Savas (28:40.838)
And so one of my scripts that I've written for myself that I repeat in different domains of my life, especially in friendship and in relationship with my husband and even in relationship with my children, is just sharing, hey, there's this thing I'm thinking or feeling and I have no idea if it's true. So is it okay if I bounce it off of you to see if it's true through your perspective? Because-
Aransas Savas (29:10.214)
Like if I talk about the example with my husband, it's often I have this pretty unwarranted worry most of the time that when he is having a bad day, it's because of something I have done that I am somehow to blame for his mood or upset. Now I walk around believing that with absolute certainty until I ask it or.
Aransas Savas (29:39.614)
speak it aloud to him. But now that we have this understanding that I have that tendency to internalize blame for things that are not my fault, I can go to him and say, hey, I'm noticing you're a little bit off. Oh, hey, now he feels seen and acknowledged for whatever is going on with him. And then I can say, you know, that thing I do where I think it's my fault, did I do something here? And invariably,
Aransas Savas (30:08.73)
He says, oh, gosh, no, I just had a really rough day at work. So it opens up space for him to communicate his truth, for me to share these feelings that if I hold them and I think this guy is mad at me for something I didn't do, I'm going to feel pretty bad and pretty annoyed with him for being mad at me about something that I didn't do that he wasn't mad at me for. It lets us all just bring our truth to the table.
Aransas Savas (30:38.002)
And I find without those conversations, the imagination, blocks any sense of intimacy or connection.
Lisa Crozier (30:48.95)
especially when it's coming from a wound.
Lisa Crozier (30:55.414)
Yeah. And that's what ego does. You know, inside we all have this inner child that wants to connect and wants to love and wants to forgive and move forward and be happy. You know, like a little child, they just want to play. They just want to snuggle and sing lullabies together. You know, there's this beautiful thing. And the ego, it's got all the pride and all the stuff that's all the wounds, and it's trying to keep us apart.
Aransas Savas (30:59.166)
Yes!
Lisa Crozier (31:23.638)
There's this beautiful, if you Google it, inner child sculpture. And it's a beautiful sculpture, and it's a couple. I assume it's a man and a wife. I don't know. But it's a couple. And they're back to back. And it's kind of a wire outline of them. And then you can see inside the little children touching hands, just wanting to connect underneath all of that. But yeah, I mean, the ego, in my opinion.
Lisa Crozier (31:53.846)
I think was formed for a reason, you know, is these ways that we try to protect ourselves through hard things that we've gone through. And it's our response based on other hurts that we've gone through. And yeah, I mean, it makes sense why it's there, but it doesn't always serve us well forever in every situation. And there's a process of learning. No, it's okay. And some of it's just not true.
Aransas Savas (32:15.048)
Now.
Aransas Savas (32:21.351)
Yeah.
Lisa Crozier (32:21.57)
Like you said, I mean, everything's just not always about us. You know?
Aransas Savas (32:24.522)
And we can transfer experiences from other domains in our lives into new domains and assume that the same thing is happening or the same response or reaction will come. And so in the absence of data or information, we are going to go into the imagination. And most of the time, our imagination is just there to protect us.
Lisa Crozier (32:55.406)
And in the end, it ends up not doing it. Interestingly enough, it's trying to protect us and in the end, it can cause us a lot more pain. Whereas living a community, which in the moment, when you're going through something hard, when I'm going through something hard, in the moment, sometimes that vulnerability is the last thing I want. But it's the thing that's gonna help me the most. I remember a couple of, I don't know, a couple months ago, somebody had said that I had done something that had upset them.
Lisa Crozier (33:24.746)
I went through pure shame storm. Absolute, I'm a horrible person, oh no. And all of the defenses that come up in that moment, which are, you know, first anger and I wanna lash back and I wanna deny it and I wanna rationalize and going to all these things. But then my next step was gonna be, well, fine, I'm just gonna quit everything.
Lisa Crozier (33:49.326)
I hurt somebody, I'm just going to quit everything, I'm going to stop doing anything, there's other things, I guess I'm a failure, whatever, and it's that wanting to hide. I knew in that moment, as soon as I had that thought that I'm wanting to hide, this is a shame storm. I just Googled it because I know about them and I knew what it was going to tell me, but I needed to read it. It says, really, to do the absolute opposite and to get real in a safe place. I think that's really important to say too.
Lisa Crozier (34:18.23)
because I can't be real everywhere all the time with everyone because everyone is not safe. But I do have a large community of people who are. And that night I went and I didn't necessarily share exactly what had happened because that would have been betraying a confidence and that would have been me trying to get them on my side and I didn't wanna do that either. But I did need to share, I'm going through this really bad thing right now. I'm feeling this shame storm and I needed to talk about it and I need to be real.
Lisa Crozier (34:48.426)
I just want you to know I feel really, really awful right now. I'm going to get through it. I feel really awful at the moment. And I also find it's helpful if I can, well, number one, name the emotion, which in that moment was a shame storm, but also to identify where in my body I'm feeling it. Because there's always something physical that goes with it. A lot of times it's in my stomach, and I'll feel like a nausea or a tightening. I'll get tightening in my shoulders with different anxiety.
Lisa Crozier (35:17.902)
The head pressure and the head, I mean, but that, I don't know what it does, but it helps me, I guess, just to realize that this is real. This is normal. Everybody goes through it sometimes. It doesn't mean I'm a horrible human being. Yep, I might have made a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes. I spend an entire year talking about these things you tell yourself, these sounds. I spend an entire year where my mantra, and this was maybe two years after I got sober,
Lisa Crozier (35:44.266)
My whole mantra all year long was, I am allowed to be human. And any time one of those things would happen and I would start going through all those feelings, I would say to myself, I'm human too. I'm allowed to be human.
Aransas Savas (36:00.074)
You are so much for so many. And as I'm thinking about this, I'm thinking about how you are in a position of support and service in your health community, your recovery community, your church community, your family, your friend groups. You give a lot.
Aransas Savas (36:31.126)
What helps you balance and preserve your own well-being and support yourself while offering and providing so much support to so many people and groups?
Lisa Crozier (36:52.642)
What a great question. So there's so many things. Some of it is the stuff we just talked about, realizing that I'm human too. I'm much more interested in all of those areas. I'm much more interested in relationship than philanthropy. So realizing that it's, I'm not up here looking down, helping people. I'm on the same level. I'm right there with them. I'm next to them. And being willing to share my stuff.
Lisa Crozier (37:21.566)
at the same time and it being a give and take being willing to accept their love, accept their help at the same time I'm giving my love and giving my help. It's a relationship. It's a back and forth. Not keeping score either though, I have to say, you know, realizing that it's not going to be like even with everybody all the time. And that's okay. That's totally fine. You know, it's but that's important to me realize that it's a relationship. It's not a place of superiority.
Lisa Crozier (37:50.754)
You know, that's, I don't want to go there. But I also, you know, I've learned, like I said, about the humility thing. I'm human. I get tired. And when I'm tired, I sleep. I need to make sure I protect my sleep. I am the queen of naps. I take a nap almost every day. And I find a way to work it into the middle. You know, the way my work schedule is, I usually go in the morning, then I come home, and then I go back later in the evening, or whatever it is. And I...
Lisa Crozier (38:19.49)
get a nap in almost every single day. So that's really important to me. I have go to people that I lean on. You know, I have to say, I mean there's so many, but in particular my husband is my person. You know, he is my rock and I am his too. I know it's, I know it's the two of us leaning on each other, but there's been a couple times in my life that I've had full-on anxiety attacks.
Lisa Crozier (38:49.318)
Absolute full-on can't breathe. I feel like my heart's beating a thousand miles an hour I didn't know if I should go to the hospital. I could not get myself out of it I remember one where I literally couldn't come up with any reason why it was happening but the physical it was happening and All it took was his arms just to sit. That's my love language You know, there's all these love languages minus the physical touch Just it's sitting with his arms around me
Lisa Crozier (39:19.386)
It was crazy what it did. I could breathe. And I know this about myself now. So I know to seek it out when I need it. I know I need him to hold my hand. I have this fear of the dentist. I had a bad experience at the dentist once. And ever since then, I've just had this horrible fear. And during COVID, they didn't want anyone to come in. But I said, I've got this thing. I'm so nervous. I need my husband. And they let him come in, but he had to be at the foot.
Lisa Crozier (39:47.402)
So he literally held my feet. He put his hands on my feet while they did what they did, and I got through it. But I know that I need this. I know I need hugs. I need cuddles. I need that snuggle. And I also know that I need the relationships around me. And here's an example of that. Sometimes other people can see things in me that I don't see and can't quite figure out. And I recognize that.
Lisa Crozier (40:17.122)
fight their help. I had a situation a few weeks ago and I remember saying to my friend, I don't know what it is with me, I just feel off. I don't know what that, I don't know why, I don't know what's going on. Well, I kind of knew why, there was some stuff going on. But I said, I kind of feel off. And she looked at me and she said, well, you've got X, Y, and Z going on. You're just emotionally exhausted. And I said, oh my gosh, you're right.
Lisa Crozier (40:45.814)
That's exactly it. And once we named it, I knew what to do. I went home and I just watched some mindless TV for a while, which is something I almost never do. I don't really care much for TV. But I needed to not think and not interact for a while and just veg. I needed to veg out. And having that outside input to help me see things that I don't see was really, really helpful. So right now, we're going through.
Lisa Crozier (41:13.95)
My husband recently was diagnosed with cancer. I do feel it's very treatable, I hope. We don't know all the details yet. We're still in the waiting. We have chosen to communicate with people about it. Even our kids, in the very beginning, at first we were going to wait until we had all the information. But we thought, no, they need to see us go through the waiting too. Because there's going to be a day when they're going to have to wait. And I really...
Lisa Crozier (41:43.346)
I feel like I'm doing all right. You know, my faith is really carrying me. One of my mantras, my main mantra now is stay in the moment, do the next right thing. That's carrying me and I'm valuing this moment. I'm filled with gratitude that I get to walk with him through something really, really hard that we don't have to do it alone, that we've got each other, that we have the relationship that we do. And the one thing I do notice is I'm tired, but I really don't feel like I'm
Lisa Crozier (42:12.854)
I don't feel like I'm stressed, but I have invited those really close to me to watch me and let me know if they see something that I miss. Because I do know that it is my tendency to be in denial about things and for things to be perfectly fine until they're not. And then BOOM! All of a sudden I'm a mess. So I'm hoping maybe if that's going to happen someone will see, but maybe it won't. Maybe it'll be fine too. But it's good to have other eyes.
Aransas Savas (42:42.259)
Yeah.
Lisa Crozier (42:43.35)
I need, again, I need supervision.
Aransas Savas (42:47.28)
And you understand that because you have learned yourself.
Lisa Crozier (42:52.95)
Yeah. And I know it's OK to ask, because I love helping someone else. And I give them the opportunity then to be there for me. And that helps. You know, the opportunity without making it an obligation, I guess. But they get something out of helping just like I do. So why would I deny them that?
Aransas Savas (43:12.746)
Yeah. Why would you deny you that either? And yet we do for fear and ego. And you have done the work to learn yourself. What has been most helpful to you in learning your needs?
Lisa Crozier (43:22.654)
Ego.
Lisa Crozier (43:40.398)
hitting bottom probably, you know, going through really hard stuff and being able to get to the other side and look back and say, wow, that really helped me. Look at all the blessing. Look at all the value that came from that really hard thing. And then doing the work, you know, I am in a recovery program and the steps, the recovery steps that really make you look.
Lisa Crozier (44:07.262)
inside and do the hard work and do the hard stuff and face yourself and face the monsters in the closet. All of that has really led to everything.
Aransas Savas (44:20.602)
There's a lot of attention in your story, a lot of willingness to show up for yourself, for others, with integrity. And I said that the word that comes to mind for me when I think of you is love. But if I had to choose or got to choose a second word, I would choose integrity. You, in the toughest of times, like this moment,
Aransas Savas (44:49.798)
which can be full of fear and uncertainty and unknown, you are facing it with the same truth and authenticity and integrity that defines you in the most beautiful and promising moments. And as I listen to you, I am reminded again and again of
Aransas Savas (45:17.594)
the importance and the value of time and attention.
And so with these last moments, we're gonna do something that Lisa and I have done together many, many times. We're gonna invite you listeners out there to join us bring one hand to your gut and tune into that little inner voice that guides you.
Aransas Savas (46:59.674)
And with your eyes closed, I invite you to reflect on Lisa's story.
Aransas Savas (47:10.414)
on the little moments when she said something today that sparked a sense of recognition in you.
Aransas Savas (47:23.326)
that little voice that said, hey.
Aransas Savas (47:28.19)
Tune in to this message.
Aransas Savas (47:36.582)
and ask yourself.
Aransas Savas (47:40.446)
What those messages.
Aransas Savas (47:45.191)
those sparks.
Aransas Savas (47:48.686)
might mean for you at this point in your life.
Aransas Savas (48:02.154)
Perhaps you want to take a moment to journal on.
Aransas Savas (48:13.118)
these sparks.
Aransas Savas (48:23.282)
And if so, go ahead and hit pause. Lisa and I will be here when you get back. And if you would be helped by a transcript of this conversation, I feel like.
Aransas Savas (48:37.362)
Lisa's story is jam packed with so much wisdom and insight that I know I wanna go back and just really spend some time with it. Head over to theuplifterspodcast.com and we'll have the transcript waiting for you there along with lots of other opportunities to get to know Lisa and her story as well as all the other Uplifters that you've.
Aransas Savas (49:04.074)
met on this show who've so generously shared their lived experiences with all of us. Lisa, thank you.
Lisa Crozier (49:15.202)
Thank you, Aransas. This has been such an honor. I love you so much and you know that. You absolutely know that. You are one of my heroes.
Aransas Savas (49:27.554)
I feel like I am better every time I spend time with you. And that is something I have intentionally cultivated in my life, is a circle of human beings that uplift me. So thank you for being my uplifter, a teacher, an inspiration, a friend, a guide. I am grateful for you. I'm grateful for your struggles.
Aransas Savas (49:57.106)
And I'm grateful for what they've given all of us who get the opportunity to learn and grow alongside you.
Lisa Crozier (50:04.918)
Thank you so much.
Aransas Savas (50:07.526)
Uplifters, I'll see you over at the uplifters podcast.com
From Hiding to Healing