If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it too late for me to...” the answer’s NO and The Uplifters are about to show you why. This space is for purpose-driven women who want to do big, brave things in the second half of their lives. I’m your host, Aransas Savas, and I’ve spent the last 20 years at the intersection of behavior change research and coaching.
Month-at-a-Glance
This month we’re sharing stories about four different types of permission:
Sofia Kavlin, the visionary behind the Unsent Letter Mailbox, gave herself permission to ASK for support, and in walked her creative soulmate, Bonnie Blue Edwards. Listen HERE.
Last week, Laura LeBleu, who lit her AARP mailer on fire and created a genuine print mag for Gen Xers. Listen HERE.
Coming up, Sarah Kauss took S’well from $30k in savings to over $100 million, then sold it. In midlife she gave herself permission to SLOW DOWN.
And this week, Sarah Nelson of Sexual Empowerment in Midlife, who spent 30 years believing it was her job to keep everyone else happy. In midlife, she gave herself permission to DESIRE.
Put on your Enya record, girls, because today, we’re gonna talk about SEX!
Sarah took the good girl lessons to heart growing up: be agreeable, don’t make anyone uncomfortable, and if you’re having sex, make sure it’s with someone you intend to marry. She married her high school sweetheart, the first and only person she ever slept with, had a couple kids, and got a good job.
On the outside, it looked like a full life. And in a lot of ways, it was. But there was a part of her that had loved sex since she was a kid playing with dolls and having fantasies that never got integrated into her grown-up life. Her body and her desires felt like something to be ashamed of, so she hid them.
Then a friend told her he’d opened his relationship. And she realized on a visceral level that she wanted that too. In the latest episode of The Uplifters Podcast, you’ll hear
What her husband thought about all of this
What her relationship with other sexual partners looks like now
How she handles this as a mom of two young kids
And most of all, what she’s learned from her research about sex in midlife
Her Courage Practice
Years ago, Sarah did one of those values exercises you can find online: a long list of positive adjectives, narrow it down to your core ten. She still goes back to that list 15 years later, for every hard decision: relationships, professional opportunities, all of it.
5 Ways Sarah Shows Us How to Build Our Courage Capital:
She let curiosity outrank fear. When she decided to explore opening her relationship, Sarah didn’t have a plan. She just followed her curiosity.
She separated her voice from the noise. Sarah spent years unable to tell the difference between what she wanted and what others told her to want. She did the unglamorous work, in therapy and in her body, to learn her own needs.
She redefined what a boundary actually is. Not “please change your behavior because it upsets me,” but “I get to behave differently because of how I feel.”
She let her values do the deciding. Joy and integrity sit at the top of Sarah’s list, and she still uses them, fifteen years later, to weigh every major decision.
Lift Her Up
Check out Sarah’s fascinating writing Sexual Empowerment in Midlife and learn about her coaching at sarahnelsoncoach.com.
