#113 How Love Transforms Into Legacy

With Jennifer Allebach, who Lost Her Husband to ALS

Hi! New here? Welcome to the Uplifters! I'm Aransas Savas. I've spent the last 20 years at the intersection of behavior change research and coaching. On The Uplifters Podcast, we share diverse stories of women who have found something beautiful on the other side of the hard stuff. Despite self-doubt and fear (and honestly, who doesn't have those?), they've done big, brave things anyway, and show us how we can too!

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Today’s Featured Uplifter: Jennifer Allebach

"At the end of the night, I would put him in bed and tuck him in, and he would just look at me, and a tear would come down. 'I don't want this life.' And I would say, 'I don't either, but we're stuck with it, so let's make the most of it.'

There's something about watching someone you love face an impossible diagnosis that strips away every assumption you had about how life was supposed to unfold. Jennifer Allebach thought she and her husband Brian would be driving each other to the opera well into their golden years, maybe taking those dream trips they'd been planning, certainly watching their five children raise their own families together. Instead, ALS arrived like a thief, stealing Brian's mobility, then his independence, then ultimately his life—while leaving his brilliant mind completely intact (imagine being trapped in your own body, fully aware but unable to move).

For four years, Jennifer became Brian's primary caregiver while working full-time as the Chief Girl Experience Executive at Girl Scouts USA, then later at the Muscular Dystrophy Association—an organization that, in a profound coincidence, became her professional home just as ALS became her personal reality. She learned to manage Hoyer lifts and spoon feedings, to redesign garden paths for wheelchair access, and to have conversations no couple should ever have to have about quality of life and end-of-life decisions.

Jennifer's story isn't just about loss—it's about the weight of anticipatory grief, the exhaustion of being someone's everything, and the way our hardest experiences can eventually become our most meaningful work. As she sits in what she calls "the toddlerhood of grief," Jennifer is already looking toward purpose, already seeing how her notebook full of hard-won insights might become a lifeline for other families navigating this devastating disease.

This conversation feels different from our usual episodes because Jennifer is teaching us from her open wounds (as author

Nadia Bolz-Weber

puts it, we can only teach from our scars). There's something really powerful about hearing from someone in the immediate aftermath of loss, when the pain is still sharp and the knowledge gained is at its clearest. Jennifer reminds me that even in our deepest grief, even when we feel completely emptied out, we can still find ways to fill our cup—and maybe, just maybe, help fill someone else's too.

Listen to this if you're:

• Navigating caregiving responsibilities while trying to maintain your own life

• Processing grief and wondering how to honor someone's memory through action

• Feeling like your hardest experiences might contain wisdom others need

• Looking for proof that purpose can emerge from the deepest pain

Five Ways She Shows Us How to Build Our Courage Capital:

1. Ask "what would we both want?" when making decisions alone - Jennifer continues making parenting decisions by considering what she and Brian would have wanted together, showing us how to honor a partnership even in loss.

2. Document the small wisdom while you're living it - Her notebook full of practical insights—from wheelchair accessibility to who to call at 3 am - proves that our hardest experiences contain invaluable knowledge for others facing similar challenges.

3. Let your professional life align with your personal mission - The coincidence of joining MDA just as Brian was diagnosed wasn't just timing—it was Jennifer allowing her career to serve her deeper purpose, showing us how work can become healing when it connects to our lived experience.

4. Choose your grief practices intentionally - Whether it's spending two days a week with her twin grandsons or quilting in quiet moments, Jennifer is actively choosing activities that fill her cup rather than just going through the motions.

5. Transform insights into action even while healing - Rather than waiting until she's "ready" or her grief is "processed," Jennifer is already planning to turn her caregiving wisdom into resources for other families, proving that purpose can emerge from our deepest wounds when we're still actively bleeding.

The Uplifter Thread

Did you know that EVERY woman on the Uplifters podcast is nominated by a former guest or audience member? This means you and I get to chat with some pretty freaking inspiring women - the ones who inspire the women who inspire us!

Our current thread: One of our amazing paid Subscribers, Christine Butler, nominated Sarah Gormley, who nominated Jennifer. Jennifer nominated Sharon Hesterlee.

Sharon is the Interim President and CEO of MDA. She was Chief of Research when I was the VP of Programs and was instrumental in gaining research dollars for neurological diseases like Muscular Dystrophy and ALS. She is brilliant and well-versed in clinical trials to help support advances in cures for these horrific diseases.

Check out the full episode on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple

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Let’s keep rising higher together.

💓 Aransas

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