Last week I was honored and oh-so-grateful to attend The Gathering, an invitation-only summit for women shaping the future of new media at AARP’s headquarters in D.C., curated by absolute powerhouses Amy Nelson (The Riveter and TARGET Podcast) and Quinn Daly.
We talked about money and power and influence, what’s working and what’s broken. Jenny Wood, author of Wild Courage, encouraged us to be obsessed, weird, and bossy. We banded together to create impact.
I left feeling braver and bolder and more energized, which is what always seems to happen when I spend time with other midlife women who are doing things that stretch them instead of just thinking about doing those things.
I talked to so many people who had come to the same conclusion: nobody does big, brave things alone.
Research on self-efficacy, our belief in our own ability to do something, shows that one of the most reliable ways to raise that belief is to watch someone a lot like us do the thing. Whether it’s running a marathon, starting a business, or embarking on a creative project, when we see someone we relate to follow through on something we’ve only dreamed about, it changes our sense of what’s possible for us. That belief is directly linked to whether we actually take action.
If you’ve found yourself spinning out on the details and neglecting the big picture, getting stuck on what isn’t working, or feeling lonely as you work on a dream or goal, there’s a damn fine chance you’d find it easier to do it with other people who are doing big, brave things too. But sometimes finding those people is really freaking hard, especially in midlife when there are fewer structures for organically creating support. Having interviewed over 100 women about how they’ve built a supportive crew, here are a few of the best ideas I’ve heard:
Go where people are making things. Look for experiences built around working on something together, like a workshop, a class, a mastermind, or a co-working group.
Say your thing out loud over and over. Tell the person next to you what you’re working on and what scares you about it. I’m constantly surprised at the connection and support that other people offer when we are brave enough to admit we have goals. Go figure! It also helps us build belief in ourselves, and research shows that belief is directly linked to future action.
Reach out to someone whose work moved you. Reply to the newsletter that made you think, or send a note to the podcast host you keep recommending, or DM the playwright whose show made you feel seen. Be specific about what landed, then ask them a small question. Most people are thrilled to hear from someone who really cares about their work. (Quick soapbox: As a podcast host, I get LOTS of these emails every day. Only about 1 in 50 have actually listened to an episode, so really do the homework instead of just reaching out with an AI boilerplate).
Look sideways as well as up. Find other people who are on a similar mission and at a similar stage. So many cultural messages tell us we should compete with these people, but the most successful women I’ve met collaborate with them, learn, grow, and amplify one another along the way.
Make a standing date. I love a special moment, but while they often inspire, they rarely lead to action. A recurring time on the calendar, even 30 minutes, is how we work through the little things that can otherwise send us off-course. Everything I’m doing right now can be traced back to weekly dates with friends like Kara Cutruzzula.
Take stock of your current circle. Notice who you leave feeling energized and who leaves you feeling depleted. You don’t have to cut anyone off, but you can choose to invest more time in the first group.
Come hang with me and other Uplifters this week. If you’re near NYC, the kick-off brunch for The 261 Effect is Friday, October 30 at 11 AM at 441 9th Ave. It’s the first in a series of national conversations from 261 Fearless, honoring the 60th anniversary of Kathrine Switzer’s 1967 Boston Marathon moment and exploring the ripple effect of women’s empowerment. Get tickets or donate here.
Become a paid subscriber of this Substack. We do all the things I listed above! Here’s what you get:
A WhatsApp with the women in our community, where we share wins, questions, and ideas every day
A monthly Lift & Be Lifted session, where we actively support each other and swap ideas
A weekly meetup for accountability and co-working, for accountability, camaraderie, and support
Every dollar from paid subscriptions goes back to the community, supporting the organizations and the midlife women’s brave projects we feature on the show. Last week I was thrilled to donate on behalf of the Uplifters to one of those projects, and I’d love for you to join me in helping it reach its goal in this final stretch.
You might remember Gisela Sanders-Alcántara from Episode 88. She’s a filmmaker and a true dreamer-in-action.
Through her son, Simón, she felt called to turn her years of filmmaking expertise toward something bigger than herself, helping disabled people author their own stories, in their own voices, rather than being spoken for.
That became Echoing: Disability Reflections, a documentary she’s now working to finish and make fully accessible. She’s in the middle of a grassroots campaign to carry it across the finish line.
Take a few minutes to watch the trailer. If you’re able, a gift (or even a share) would mean the world.
With so much gratitude,
Aransas