What if their happiness is their responsibility?

Emotional Autonomy | Our next Uplifter Workshop | Last week's episode with Terri Tomoff

🌞 Happy Mindful Monday.

In my coaching practice, one of the most common challenges I see Uplifters face is feeling like they (well…we) are responsible for the happiness of everyone else. This is a heavy load to carry, and since we can’t actually control anyone’s happiness, super frustrating!

But, what if other people’s happiness is their responsibility? This can be a pretty disruptive idea in terms of how we support and interact with the people who matter the most to us, especially because we’ve gotten so good at tuning into the emotional signals of others and have created a magical Mary Poppins bag of tricks for helping them feel and be “better”.

The concept of Emotional Autonomy refers to the ability to recognize and regulate our own emotions independently, without relying excessively on others for emotional support and validation. When we focus on ourselves we feel less burdened, overwhelmed, and exhausted. When we trust others to manage their own emotions, they feel more empowered and trusted. It’s a win-win.

Here are the three thoughts I repeat to myself when I get sucked into my old habits of emotional responsibility:

• Everyone is responsible for their own happiness

• My job is to protect my peace

• We are all happier and stronger when we know how to care for ourselves

So, here’s a little coaching cue for you today:

In what relationships are you carrying the emotional load of others? What would change for you if you really believed that their happiness was their responsibility?

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This week on The Uplifters

If you haven’t listened yet, check out the latest episode of The Uplifters Podcast here. It’s short and sweet and packed with ways for lightening your load, and those of others.

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Thank you to all of you who make this work possible with a paid subscription. I can’t wait to share this extended cut of my conversation with Terri Tomoff with you! It’s a longer conversation that delves into her journey with her son’s cancer, and the many ways she enlisted her community for support.

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