Week 2: The Authenticity Map

Halloween costumes are the best, but play-acting in real life is a drag.

One of my all-time favorite family costumes. Hard to believe that next year my first daughter will be off at college trick-or-treating with someone else

I was on a Zoom last week when I noticed myself doing it. That slight shift in my voice. The way I tilted my head. The carefully chosen words that sounded like me but somehow... weren’t.

I was shape-shifting. Again.

Not in a big, dramatic way. Just in that subtle way we all do when we’re managing someone else’s comfort instead of speaking our truth. When we’re being who we think we should be instead of who we actually are.

And here’s the thing: I didn’t even realize I was doing it until I got off the call and felt completely exhausted.

Last week, we looked at the foundations we’ve been building. This week, we’re asking a harder question: how much of what you built was actually FOR you, and how much was you trying to be good, acceptable, impressive, or safe?

We women in midlife have spent decades getting really, really good at reading rooms, adjusting our energy, softening our edges, and making ourselves smaller or different to fit what others need from us.

We do it so automatically that we don’t even notice anymore.

But our bodies notice. That fatigue that doesn’t match your actual workload? That restlessness, even when things are “good”? That feeling of being disconnected from yourself? Those are the symptoms of spending too much time in costume.

Why This Matters for 2026

We can’t build authentic lives on a foundation of performance.

To enter 2026 clear about what we actually want and energized to pursue it, we first need to get honest about where we’ve been faking it. Not because we’re frauds, but because we’re freaking brilliant at adaptation, and somewhere along the way, we adapted ourselves right out of the picture.

The most powerful thing we can do right now is map where we are real versus where we’re performing. Because our energy is leaking in the crevice between those two. That (along with hormonal shifts, a nonstop cascade of crises, and trying to wear 80 hats simultaneously) is what’s making us tired. It’s also what has to shift if we want our next chapter to actually feel like ours.

This Week’s Reflection: The Authenticity Map

Where do you feel most like yourself? Think about specific situations, relationships, or activities where you can just... exhale. Where you don’t have to manage, perform, or adjust. What’s different about those moments?

Where do you feel most “on”? Now think about the opposite - where do you find yourself performing, managing your image, or saying what you think you should say? This isn’t about judging yourself. It’s about noticing the pattern.

What are you tolerating that’s making you shape-shift? Maybe it’s a relationship where you can’t be fully honest. A role where you have to hide parts of yourself. An expectation you’re trying to meet that doesn’t actually fit who you are anymore.

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When I did this exercise a few years ago, before getting laid off from my corporate gig, I realized I was spending big chunks of every day in “performance mode” - not being dishonest exactly, just not being fully real. That’s a lot of energy spent managing instead of creating.

While that old shape-shifter still rears her head sometimes, I’ve gotten familiar enough with her that most of the time she barely gets through the door before I start ushering her out.

The women I’ve interviewed whose minds seem the least cluttered by doubt and fear also seem to be the ones who have given themselves permission to be polarizing instead of palatable.

Not because it’s easy. Because it’s the only way to have energy left for what actually matters.

Next week, we’ll look at where your energy actually goes. But first, you need to see where it’s leaking.

Your fellow truth-teller,
Aransas

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