Soft Was Hard Last Week
(Or: How My Microwave Became My Accountability Partner)
If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it too late for me to...” the answer’s NO and The Uplifters is about to show you why. This space is for purpose-driven women who want to do big, brave things in the second half of their lives.
It was hard to be soft this week.
My dog had cataract surgery. My kids had school performances and doctors’ visits. I moved my podcast back onto Substack (which, hello, why did that feel so emotional?). The to-do list never seemed to end. And I couldn’t stop watching videos of an autistic woman in Minneapolis being ripped from her car by ICE on the way to her doctor’s visit. It was a lot.
And yet, I’m really grateful I set myself up for 75 Soft instead of 75 Hard this week. Because if I’d had to do two 45-minute workouts and follow a strict diet and drink a gallon of water while all of that was happening? I would have quit by Tuesday.
Instead, I was gentle. I didn’t bully myself when I didn’t hit all five soft practices every day. If I were to give myself a grade (which isn’t very nice, either), I’d probably give myself a 70% in the consistency department. Passing, but not awesome.
But, really, 70% of gentle is still way better than 0% of brutal.
I wanted supportive accountability to keep myself focused on these gentle practices for my present and future old lady self, and dang, you really showed up. Reading all of your responses last week kinda made me want to quit my job to just focus on playing all day every day. Here’s what you’re doing:
Daily cartwheels (to not forget you can!) • Squatting while brushing teeth • Chair yoga + cleaning one drawer • Legs up the wall before bed • Touching the loose ends pile • Gratitude tapping • Water first thing in the morning • Wall-assisted handstands after workouts • Stretching, music, prayer • Getting up and down from the floor 3-5 times • Assigning your mom a few simple moves and texting to check in • Jumping before bed • Focus time, crafting, putting things away • Reading while walking on the treadmill • Taking vitamins with breakfast • Journaling • Give your potted rosemary a good sniff each morning
These are all so yummy, but did we all do them every day? Probably not.
A big part of what got in the way for me was not having a dedicated time or place for these soft practices. I found myself at the end of the day with an “oh shit” moment when I hadn’t done them, then wrestling to cram them in just for the sake of cramming them in. Which totally defeated the entire purpose of enjoying a couple of moments for myself each day.
Over the course of the week, I found some ways to package them:
I listened to music while I prepped the kids’ breakfasts and lunches.
While the microwave was making my lunch, I went across the room for a little jolt of energy upside down.
During my mid-afternoon slump, while the microwave reheated my leftover coffee (no judgment), I hula hooped for a minute.
The dog took care of the outside time.
I stretched on the floor while we savored the last few episodes of Love on the Spectrum, which checked the last box.
This is called habit attachment (or habit stacking), and it’s one of the most effective tools in behavior change science.
How Habit Attachment Works:
Instead of trying to remember to do something new at some random point in your day, you attach it to something you’re already doing automatically. Your existing habit becomes the trigger for your new practice.
The formula is simple: After/During/While [existing habit], I will [new tiny habit].
Examples:
After I brush my teeth, I’ll do 5 squats
While the coffee brews, I’ll stretch on the floor
During the microwave countdown, I’ll do a headstand
After I close my laptop for lunch, I’ll go outside for 2 minutes
While I wait for my computer to boot up, I’ll do gratitude tapping
The magic is that you’re not adding time to your day. You’re using time that already exists (waiting time, transition time, automatic routine time) and filling it with something that serves your future self.
And the good news is that by midlife, we have a lot of really well-cemented habits and information about what works for us. We know our rhythms, our patterns, our non-negotiables. Yay us!
Why This Works:
Your brain loves efficiency. Existing habits have already carved neural pathways. When you attach a new behavior to an established one, you’re piggybacking on those pathways instead of trying to create entirely new ones from scratch.
Plus, you’re working with your actual life instead of some fantasy version where you have an extra hour of free time just lying around.
For Week 2:
If you’re struggling with consistency like I was, try this:
Identify your automatic behaviors. What do you do every single day without thinking? (Make coffee, brush teeth, feed the dog, check your phone, heat up lunch, close your laptop at the end of the day)
Pick one to attach to. Choose the one that happens closest to when you’d naturally want to do your soft practice.
Make it tiny at first. One minute of hula hooping while coffee brews. One stretch while the microwave runs. The attachment matters more than the duration.
Celebrate the attachment, not just the practice. Every time you remember to do your practice during your trigger habit, you’re strengthening that neural pathway.
I'd love to hear how your 75 Soft went this week in the comments. It'll help me feel better about my 70%. ;) And if you'll let me know what made it harder or easier, I'll use that to help choose the most useful habit tips next week.
If You Don’t Know What You Want From This Year
Speaking of creating containers and structure for the things that matter, I’m opening a few spots for Focus Funnel Strategy Sessions in January.
This is for you if you’re tired of vague goals and want a crystal-clear plan for the year-ahead. If the same patterns keep showing up year after year. If you want someone to see what you can’t see yourself.
Here’s how it works: You complete three guided workshops at your own pace. I review everything, synthesize the patterns, and create your personalized strategic plan. Then we meet for a private coaching session where I share what I see. You walk away with your complete roadmap: a values-informed purpose statement → 3-year vision → 2026 key pillars → quarterly goals → daily filters for choosing how you spend your time.
The rest of 2026, you get quarterly check-ins to celebrate what’s working and problem-solve what isn’t.
It’s deep work that creates the kind of clarity that makes decision-making feel easy instead of exhausting (and keeps us away from those shiny distractions that keep stealing our focus).
Reply to this email if you’re interested and want details.
Oh, and Uplifters Live!
If you haven’t gotten your tickets yet, please join us on March 13 at Caveat in Manhattan. Mahogany L. Browne is keynoting. We have an incredible investor panel, lightning talks, creativity workshops, and the kind of connection that made last year’s attendees call it “the best day ever” and describe the community as “a drug I need my next fix of.”
First 40 tickets include deluxe gift bags.
Hoping this week is a bit softer for all of us,
Aransas
Love this framing! The microwave as accountability partner is such a clever insight. I've been trying habit stacking for mornign routines but never considered those dead waiting times. Remidns me of an old productivity hack about making awkward pauses productive, but this feels way more humane and less about squeezing efficiency from everysecond.