It's Time to Raise the Bet on Yourself 🃏

Ways to Go Big This Week

If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it too late for me to...” the answer’s NO and The Uplifters is about to show you why. This space is for purpose-driven women who want to do big, brave things in the second half of their lives.

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Lia De Feo took this shot of me last week. Good friends like her are really helpful to have around in those moments I have trouble betting on myself. (Side note: I’m tentatively letting my greys grow in. Not sure how I feel about them yet.)

Give me an assignment, and I will slay it for you! I’ll stay up late, go deep on the research, find the angle nobody else thought of, and deliver something that exceeds what you asked for. My family, colleagues, clients, and neighbors know me as someone they can count on. If you are in my orbit and have a dream, goal, or problem, I am your person. I will get into it with you, stay up late thinking about your situation, send you the article, make the introduction, and show up to your thing. I am a badass, unrelenting courage investor in others’ dreams.

Betting on other people is a joy for me and one of my greatest strengths. But it’s also a way that I mitigate risk. It is kind of like boxing in a padded room. It softens the rejection, cushions the disappointments, and if I’m doing it on someone else’s behalf and I get knocked down, I can still get back up because it’s not entirely my fault.

Sound familiar? I suspect you are a spectacular investor, too. You have funded a kid’s dream while yours stayed on hold, been the wind beneath a partner’s career, taken on extra work so a colleague could shine, met every expectation your parents had for you. Maybe, like me, the only portfolio you consistently underinvest in is your own.

Researchers use something called the Loyola Generativity Scale to measure a person’s desire to create, nurture, or produce things that will outlast them. Women, especially Uplifters, tend to score high on this scale. But research also shows that the people who sustainably make the most meaningful contribution to others over time are the ones who invest in themselves while investing in others. When we pour so much into everyone else’s growth that ours stops, we start to feel like we’re running on fumes while everyone else is getting our best fuel.

While my default has often been to place my bets on others’ priorities and permission, and downplay my bets on myself, the times when I’ve bet big on myself have been the most growth-filled, energizing, and empowering (also terrifying, but hey, that’s why we enlist that courage capital).

When I was acting in my 20s and not getting the roles I wanted, feeling like the victim of a system that didn’t understand me and casting agents who were too busy to see my potential, I got together with a group of talented friends, and we created the opportunity ourselves. We produced On the Verge, a female, character-driven play off-off-Broadway, and I starred in it. It worked. I got more work from the gatekeepers, but more than that, I learned that if I wanted anyone else to bet big on me, I needed to place my bets on me first.

When I was laid off after 18 years with my company, I toyed with betting on another corporation, but in the end, I decided to gather up my courage capital and go all-in on my little girl dream of being a media host. Ok, that’s a lie. I didn’t go all-in. If you’d have asked me, I’d have said I was all-in, but in truth, I was making messy, tiny baby bets. But they were mine. There was no manager approving the budget or strategy, just me deciding that what I wanted to build was worth building.

I’m still learning to bet bigger on myself. For me right now it looks like investing in coaching and professional support for my own work; blocking real calendar time for my writing (not the leftover time, the good time); saying no to things that promise good money, but pull me away from what I’m investing in; telling you here what I’m building; admitting my biggest, craziest dreams out loud; and initiating opportunities instead of just applying to those that others initiate. I still bet big on others. AND, I’m committed to betting on me as unrelentingly as I do everyone else that I believe in.

I’ve done extensive research to understand the different ways that we women diminish and downplay our bets on ourselves. If you want to raise the bet on yourself, here are 10 ways you could double down this week.

1. Say no to one thing this week you’d usually say yes to out of obligation, and reinvest that exact time for something on your own list.

2. Track the number of times you say “I think,” “just,” or “only” for one day. Don’t downplay that wisdom you worked so hard to earn, friend.

3. Sit at the front of a room you normally sit in the middle or back of.

4. The next time someone compliments your work, say “Thank you, I worked really hard on it” and then stop talking.

5. Quote a slightly higher rate for your work than you normally would to the next person who asks.

6. Send an email asking for specific help from someone you’ve been thinking is probably too important to ask. If you’re a paid subscriber of this Substack, you can practice this at our next Lift & Be Lifted Session tomorrow!

7. Write down five things you are really, really good at. Put them on a Post-it in your workspace.

8. Invest something that feels precious to you (like money or time) in your dream this week.

9. Plan a gathering around something you care about. Invite people over to share your art, and maybe they can share theirs too. You don’t need a venue or a budget or all the answers, just a reason and a group text. You’ll figure out the rest.

10. Apply for something you’re pretty sure you won’t get, like a job, grant, speaking slot, or residency. Not because you’ll definitely land it, but because you’ll become someone who puts herself in the running.

How do you prove to yourself that you’re all in on yourself?

If you’re looking for someone to help you bet big on your dreams, reach out by replying to this email! I help my clients do big, brave things!

Let’s bet big this week!

Aransas

P.S.: If you could use some dedicated time to get clear on what you actually want and get ready to make it happen, snag a spot at our next retreat. It sells out every year, and for good reason.

Kristy Jeansonne, who has attended for the last two years, puts it this way: “I will never not attend this retreat. Everything I put on my vision board and the plans I make there change the entire year for my business and my life. Instead of spending the first six months trying to figure out my priorities, I launch into the year refreshed and ready to go.”