Finding YOUR Why (Not Theirs)
If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it too late for me to...” the answer’s NO and The Uplifters is about to show you why. This space is for purpose-driven women who want to do big, brave things in the second half of their lives.
I have a confession: I didn’t do my 75 Soft practices with any more consistency this week than last week.
Still hovering around that 70% mark. Still cramming them in at the end of some days. Still forgetting entirely on others. Still really happy when I remember that something is way better than nothing.
But here’s what really changed this week: I discovered why these practices actually matter to ME.
Turns out, standing on my head is a really effective replacement for my midday coffee. Which means I’m not drinking coffee at 3pm. Which means I’m sleeping better. Which means I have more energy. Which means I’m less irritable with my kids. Which means better everything.
Nobody told me headstands would replace coffee. That wasn’t on any “benefits of inversions” list. But it’s the benefit that actually matters to me, the one that’s keeping me coming back even when I don’t feel like doing it.
Research shows that the stronger our “why” is, the more likely we are to actually do the things we set out to do. But the part most people miss is that has to be YOUR why. Not the why someone else told you should matter. Not the why that sounds good on paper. The why that’s actually, genuinely, personally true for you.
If you’re struggling to do the things you set out to do this year, here’s a technique for turning up your deep down desire to do them:
Step 1: Track the ripple effects
For one week, notice what happens AFTER you do your practice. Not just the immediate feeling, but what happens an hour later, three hours later, that evening, the next morning.
Don’t look for what’s “supposed” to happen. Look for what actually happens.
Write it down. Get specific.
Examples:
“After my cartwheel, I laughed, which made my daughter laugh, which led to the first real conversation we’d had all week”
“After my morning stretch, I didn’t reach for my phone first thing, which meant I actually ate breakfast sitting down”
“After touching my loose ends pile, I felt less anxious about my to-do list even though I didn’t actually complete anything”
Step 2: Ask “And then what?”
Take one ripple effect and keep asking “and then what happened?” until you get to something that genuinely matters to you.
My example:
I did a headstand
And then what? I felt more alert
And then what? I didn’t need coffee
And then what? I didn’t drink coffee at 3pm
And then what? I slept better
And then what? I had more energy the next day
And then what? I was more patient with my kids
And then what? We had a better morning together
THAT’S my why. Not “inversions are good for your lymphatic system” or whatever. It’s “I get to have better mornings with my kids.”
Step 3: Connect to what you actually value
Look at your ripple effects and ask: which of these connects to something I deeply care about?
Maybe your daily walk isn’t really about exercise. Maybe it’s about the 20 minutes when your brain can actually think without interruption, which makes you better at your job, which makes you feel more confident, which is what you actually care about.
Maybe your one-drawer-a-day practice isn’t about organization. Maybe it’s about the feeling of completion in a life that feels endlessly incomplete, which gives you a sense of control, which helps you sleep better.
And the good news is that by midlife, we’re actually really good at identifying what we value. We’ve lived enough life to know what genuinely makes us feel better versus what we think “should” make us feel better. We just need to pay attention to it.
Have you tried this? Or maybe there are other things you do to increase your want power? Tell us about it in the comments!
Speaking of Finding Your Why
If you’re feeling stuck on what you actually want from this year (not what you think you should want, but what you genuinely want), I’m still opening spots for Focus Funnel Strategy Sessions.
This is exactly the kind of deep work we do together: getting clear on what actually matters to YOU, not what sounds good on paper.
Here’s how it works: You complete three guided workshops at your own pace. I review everything, synthesize the patterns, and create your personalized strategic plan. Then we meet for a private coaching session where I share what I see. You walk away with your complete roadmap: a values-informed purpose statement → 3-year vision → 2026 key pillars → quarterly goals → daily filters for choosing how you spend your time. Reply to this email if you’re interested.
And Speaking of People Who Know Their Why
Uplifters Live on March 13 is filling up fast! If you love it here then you might be excited to know about some of the awesome Substackers you’ll get time to chat with and learn from on March 13: Carla Zanoni, Catherine McKenzie, Dina Berrin, Kara Cutruzzula, Katie Horwitch, Lia Buffa De Feo, Mo Browne – Djeli Said, Melissa Petro, The Point | Rachel Lipson, Ruthie Ackerman, and Sarah Gormley. I’m a big fan of all of these uplifting women and their work!
Check out their Substacks before the event to start getting some inspiration, making new friends, and discovering future collaborators! Come spend a day with us.
Aransas