#120 Why Your Team Keeps Having the Same Fight (And How to Finally Fix It)
with Carey Davidson
Hi! New here? Welcome to the Uplifters! I'm Aransas Savas. I've spent the last 20 years at the intersection of behavior change research and coaching. On The Uplifters Podcast, we share diverse stories of trailblazers, change-makers, and transformers, women who have done big, brave things and show us how we can too and show us how we can too!
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This Week’s Featured Uplifter: Carey Davidson
You know that feeling when someone's energy just... takes over a room? Maybe they get visibly frustrated, and suddenly everyone else is walking on eggshells. We've all been there, either as the person whose stress is showing or as the one trying to navigate around it.
Enter Carey Davidson, who's spent decades solving the kinds of relationship puzzles that make smart people want to bang their heads against walls: the miscommunication loops that never seem to break, the trust issues that resurface no matter how many team-building exercises you do, the patterns that persist despite everyone's best intentions. Working with powerhouses like Microsoft, Starbucks, and Tony Robbins, Carey has cracked the code on why some people just seem to get each other while others constantly feel like they're speaking different languages.
Turns out, it’s not random at all. There's actually a predictable system at play, one that's been documented for over 5,000 years. Carey's Five Archetypes framework – built on ancient Chinese wisdom and grounded in cutting-edge neuroscience. It shows us exactly why your well-meaning earth colleague/partner/kid/friend feels hurt when your wood energy speeds up during stressful moments, or why your thoughtful water team member shuts down when your fire enthusiasm feels "too much."
What I love most about Carey's approach is how it flips the script on our relationship challenges. Instead of thinking "this person is difficult," we start recognizing "oh, this person's metal element is stressed right now, and my fire response is probably making it worse." It's like having X-ray vision for human dynamics. Suddenly, we can see the invisible forces that either create harmony or complete chaos in every interaction.
Her Courage Practice: The Pause Before the Pattern
For Carey, courage isn't about pushing through stress – it's about catching herself before she goes into what she calls her "fire distortion." You know that moment when you feel your automatic reaction kicking in? That's where the real work happens.
"The recovery starts with slowing down," she explains. When her fire element gets triggered (usually by needing everyone to be joyful), instead of speeding up to fix everything, she literally forces herself to pause. Her go-to reset? Getting something sweet to eat and talking it out with someone who always has her back. It sounds almost too simple, but she shows us how different elements need completely different recovery strategies. What works for fire would actually stress out water or wood.
By learning to recognize her own patterns, she's modeling how we can take responsibility for the energy we bring into every room, every conversation, every tough moment. Her pause creates space for others to stay in their own power instead of having to manage her stress.
Listen to this if you:
Find yourself repeatedly frustrated by the same relationship dynamics
Wonder why some people drain your energy while others light you up
Want to understand the invisible forces that make teams either thrive or implode
Are curious about how 5,000-year-old wisdom can solve very modern problems
Need practical tools for navigating conflict without losing yourself in the process
Lift Her Up:
Take the free Five Archetypes assessment HERE to discover your elemental profile
Share the assessment with someone in your life who could benefit from better relationship understanding
Follow Carey at @careydavidsonofficial on Instagram for ongoing insights about navigating human dynamics
Book Carey for your organization if you're ready to solve those persistent communication challenges that keep everyone stuck
Thank you to Theresa DiMasi for nominating Carey.
If You Liked This Story, Check Out These Stories:
For practical wisdom about managing your own energy:
(Episode 24)A mindset coach specializing in effective communication and professional presence who teaches about accessing your "inner Super Sage"
For building an authentic leadership presence:
(Episode 89):Chief Heart Officer at VaynerMedia who focuses on using empathy and emotional optimism to create cultures of belonging and high performance
XO,
Aransas
Fire: 73.8%
Earth: 69.3%
Metal: 65.7%
Wood: 67.5%
Water: 52.2%
I'd love to hear your results! Did they match what you expected as you listened? Share your thoughts and let's compare notes! And please tell me what the opposite of RBF is.
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